“The age of man is over
A darkness comes at dawn
These lessons that we learned here
Have only just begun” – Kings and Queens~ 30 Seconds to Mars
Never will i think i’m done learning. Learning lessons in life, learning how to do things, learning more about God, and learning what not to do.
Life has been pretty crazy the last couple of weeks and i feel life is going to continue to be that way for the rest of my life. School is FINALLY coming to an end next year and i feel like God is directing my life to go somewhere. Right now i don’t know where i’m going to be after i graduate. I’m hoping not at my mom’s house and maybe even not in Lancaster. I’m realizing I’m a very attached person some people call it clingy…yeah i guess you could say i’m that. I’m slowing learning that that’s not healthy. I’m also realizing that as much as I love my family I’m not attached to staying in lancaster, I’m also not opposed to staying here either. All this to say i really could move or i could stay…i’m content with either decision…not that there is a decision to make right now anyway.
I look forward to the future all the time. Almost too much and the possibilities of things not going the way I want them to but being on God’s side i can’t decide my future. I can try and i can pray but i can’t decide it.
I’m taking a math course right now and i’ve decided though that I HATE MATH. If given a choice between calcuating the truth tables and the crap i’m learning now and spending some time in solitary confinement i think i would choose the confinement…it’s SOOO boring and i absolutly SUCK at it. Every part of math…even dividing. Thank’s to God he created the calculator.
Living with my mom hasn’t been too bad except for the fact that she has been home for about 4 weeks and she is ALWAYS here. I really can’t wait until she gets better and goes back to work. I’d been paying rent for the past oh i don’t know 837,546,347,895 months and i finally broke down because i’m now broke and talked to her about it and how unfair i thought it was. i understand the reasoning and evrything but as a result i’m now completly broke. So we worked something out. 
Joel and I are doing really well and i thank God everyday i’m with him for the way he is to me. It’s been almost 8 months already! He has been such a positive person and teaching me things about myself that are heart/sin issues in my life and helping me work through them. Not only is He great to me but his family is really helpful to talk to about problems and prayers that i have. I remember talking to Nicoli (Joel’s older sister) about my dad and our realtionship and feeling really uplifted after talking to her about it…So to whoever is reading this i’m going to right now confess 3 sin issues in my life that if you have spare time can you please pray that these issues won’t be a burden on my heart and through this expierence to strengthen my walk with God and also strengthen Joel and I’s relationship.
1. patience: I have very low patience in many different situtations and that would be connected to trying to work things out on my own and not relying on God to place His hands in the situation. Things like Marriage, and having children, and even just the simple things like not getting my way and the trying to work in Photoshop…
2. jealousy: This has been a very BIG issue with me since i started liking boys in middle school. I really didn’t want to admit it because it would make me seem weak and just almost belittle myself. It’s been every aspect of jealousy from Destiny (my sister), to texts that Joel receives all the way down to his time spent with me and me wanting us to spend more time just the two of us (which we do ALL the time). Selfish. Just being selfish.
and 3rd. forgiveness: I really have a hard time letting things go after they have been “forgiven” by me. Aaron was the first to bring that to my attention but Joel brought it up the other day and i’m realizing that this is not a healthy way to go through life holding grudges and bringing up past issues into the present issues.
There are many more sins that i could list here ones that I know are sin issues and others that i still need to realize about myself but for right now i feel 3 is good number.
